Trends & Articles
Put Me In, Coach: Moving from victimhood to victory.
By Nan Crockett Valentine
Published on Friday, May 4th, 2007 under Coaching, Staff Development, Workplace Stess
If you saw last month’s column, you read about what happens if a skunk meanders into your office. Not the furry critter that sports an offensive odor, but one that emits a different kind of stench and stands on two legs.
This is the office “victim.” Victims, as you know, dwell on the negative. Their sensibilities are easily outraged. They rarely look to effective remedies for their problems. They find it easier to blame others.
Victims complain and grouse until those around them pray that a meteorite will strike the office and end the incessant whining, even it means their own demise as well.
This month we’ll look at what we can do when we temporarily succumb to our own version of victim-hood. Most of us have a bit of the victim in us from time to time. Life is unfair. We want everyone to know that we’re a martyr, nay a saint, for putting up with the latest travesty or injustice.
I’m no different. Believe me, I hunted for plenty of sympathy when a firm I once worked for foisted the Atilla the Boss on me. I have regaled others with my aches and pains. I have taken the low road more than I’d care to admit.
That said, I can make my way back to the high road, even when it starts feeling as if I’m wearing a “kick me” sign on my back that everyone except me can see. So can you.
Try these two concepts on for size: perspective and action.
First, perspective. Each of us has more than one reality. There is the reality that features life’s treasures: the hug from a child, the great job we did on that report, the unexpected check in the mail, the doctor’s report that we’re in excellent health.
There is also the reality that brings us a clogged drain, personal flub-ups, and people we’d just as soon strap a rock to and toss off a cliff.
We live both of these realities. Usually just one reality draws our primary focus. Which one will it be? We get to choose, although we aren’t always consciously aware that we are doing so.
When I’m feeling skunk-like, one thing I can do if I’m stuck in the negative reality is challenge the deadly thoughts that swirl around in my mind. Come on, Nan, is it really true that you always end up in the slow lane at the grocery store? I can also intentionally bring my mind to my lighter, more positive reality. I can focus on the things I appreciate. I can challenge myself to remember my co-worker’s finer qualities, rather than his tendency to get sick when the workload picks up.
Next strategy: Action. When I feel like a victim, it helps if I do something concrete to support myself. I can talk with someone. I can schedule that appointment with the doctor. I can make time for a long calming walk in the woods. Positive self-affirming actions banish that skunk-like feeling.
Now we’re back on track. Hey, where did that smell go? Ah, there is no smell. The air is fresh once again. The skunk has gone back to the forest where it belongs.